Becoming a different me: a story of continuous discomfort
Norman Jackson, University of Surrey
 
Context/Situation/Challenge
I was coming up to 40 and had reached a point in my career when I needed a change. An opportunity presented itself to move from teaching geology in a Polytechnic to becoming Her Majesty’s Inspector for geoscience education -  a position I was fortunate to get. The next 12 months were the hardest of my professional life. I had to give up a way of being I loved to become something I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be.
 
Characteristics of the situation that engaged me in an immersive way
  • I had a responsible role to fulfil and there was an expectation that I would be doing this more or less from day 1 or at least day 5!
  • The probationary year was one of continuous challenge – almost every day was different and often radically different. I travelled continuously. Spent many daysaway from home and the comforts and support of my family.
  • I was comfortable and familiar with being a field geologist and a geology teacher in higher education but they wanted me to sample and comprehend the totality of our education system – one day I was in a primary school, the next an FE college, perhaps a specialist agricultural college, a youth programme, a prison, a school for the severely disabled....you name it I had to go in and seemingly act knowledgeable and professional...
  • I continuously found myself in new unfamiliar environments with people I had never met before… and continually felt out of my comfort zone and often out of my depth.
  • There was heaps of travelling and logistics to get to places. For day trips I used to set off at the crack of dawn to make sure I was there on time. Just getting there added to the anxiety and stress of work.
  • There was a strong performance element to the role..and the feedback to the responsible authority at the end of the visit was the most focusing of motivationsanyone could ask for.
  • There was a huge report writing dimension to the work..even when I wasn’t inspecting I was generally writing…sometimes 10hrs a day.
  • I was physically, intellectually and emotionally challenged and seriously engaged most days from the moment I got up (often at 5am) to the moment I went to bed. The job was always in my mind.
  • I had to learn so many new things – factual stuff, relationship stuff, process stuff and much of it had to be gleaned from colleagues.. because it was stuff that wasnever written down..and then all this had to be applied in real, live contexts..
  • I would not have got through this immersive experience without the support and encouragement of colleagues, my two line managers and my mentor. The support system and culture provided an excellent model for on-the-job professional learning and training. Mentors, coaches, supervisors, team leaders and every colleague inmy division was expected to take me on a visit, brief me, support me and give me constructive feedback to aid my development. The time set aside with mydedicated mentor for reflective conversation was a key factor in my survival, progressive development and eventual transition to the role.
 
How I was changed
  • I changed from being a novice in the practice field with no idea what I was supposed to do to someone who could perform the professional role, manage a team of peers or coordinate asystem-wide thematic review using all HMI resources.
  • I learnt huge amounts of stuff about our education system and felt humbled through the experience of meeting and observing the hundreds of professionals I came into contact with.
  • I learnt to empathise with the front-line teachers and managers that made our education system work...and also I guess became more critical of Government policy.
  • I reformed my professional identity during that year and became a very different person in terms of my interests...I began to develop a passion for higher educationas a field of study.. it took me longer to give up my identity as a geologist (and there is still a bit of me that still thinks like one).
  • Although there were times when I thought I would go under I didn’t. I persisted and with that persistence and my accumulated experiences my confidence grew so that at the end of the process the thought of radical change didn’t frighten me any more.I learnt to gather and synthesise complex evidence and make judgements about what I had seen and experienced. The development of judgement making was afundamental part of the process of enculturation into the inspectorate.
 
Descriptions of the immersive experience
Frightening and serious but continuously interesting and exciting
Challenging and at times overwhelming in the demands it made
Required huge discipline, effort and physical and emotional stamina
Exhausting...I was frequently deeply tired
Stressful...huge amounts of anxiety containment
Exhilarating - when things went well and good feedback was received
Performing - more or less continuously
Humbling – I always felt privileged to observe peers teaching and to witness the efforts teachers made to provide students with good education.
Highly emotional – It felt unprofessional to show how I felt but it involved both negative emotions like fear of failure, anxiety, worry and apprehension (these were fantastic drivers though) and more positive emotions of pleasure, satisfaction, happiness when things seemed to go right.
Transformational – I was a different sort of professional at the end of the experience. Although I was still me it was a different sort of me.
 
Principles and lessons to be drawn
  • Significant transitions from one role to another are an important point at which immersion can occur. Perhaps mid career changes are some of the most immersive experiences we encounter in our professional lives as they inevitably require us to give up one way of life and invent a new one. Such transitions are going to be the norm for most of our students and it may happen several times in their lives and this is why the idea of immersive experience is worth exploring the idea.
  • Having survived a major immersive experience gives you the confidence to do it again. Such intensive professional learning processes involving the reinvention of self did not frighten me and I have changed roles five times since then.
  • Even the most radical personal change can be facilitated by expert facilitation, good mentoring and support from colleagues. My experience involved learning to besomeone else. It had technical dimensions – being instructed, and cultural dimensions – being facilitated to understand the traditions and ways of being in theprofession. My immersive process for becoming an HMI was one of being acculturated and admitted to a community of practice. The idea of legitimate peripheralparticipation (LPP) – as I moved from novice to playing a full role in the community seemed to be very apt so perhaps immersion and LPP are related.
  • Identity-changing immersive experiences are highly stressful and they do impact on others close to you. The unsung heroes were my family and the support andencouragement I received from my wife was essential to making the transition. We should not underestimate the role of friends and family in helping and sustainingpeople through immersive experiences.
 


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